Thursday, 9 December 2010

Fresh

Snow way-out

I was out walking deep in the snow today
When I met myself coming the other way
I said "hey me-you – where are you going, friend?"
It said "far be it from me to start a trend
But I heard there's a way-out just down there"
And off it slipped into the wintry air
I called "please take care, don't get cold or lost"
It was quick with a cheery chirped riposte
"Don't worry yourself, I've been here before"
And I looked and shrugged and I walked some more


RF 2010

29 comments:

Niamh B said...

Cool, literally and illiterally.

I like the response after the dissappearance, adds further to the mystery

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, I wondered about changing that... but kept it in the end. I envisage it as 'moving away down the track but still in earshot' (explanation to self for not changing it). That or a cheshire cat/ghost thing going on.

I was just walking the dog this afternoon and found some tracks in a bit of snow that I know I made the other day. It was so quiet and mysterious out... I spent the rest of the walk working out the lines. Rhythm of walking goes well with rhyme (chain gangs, soldiers etc.).
x

susansonnenmuses said...

It made me grin!

The Bug said...

I often talk to myself, but neither of us is actually GOING anywhere at the time.

A way out to where? From where? I like the ambiguity. I mean, it probably means something specific to you but something different to me. Which, of course, you already know. Shutting up now.

Rachel Fox said...

The way-out is completely open to interpretation! It isn't one thing in my head...
x

Janie said...

it's tne not-going-anywhere that adds to the allure. I love your writing style.

Janie said...

lol @ me. I meant "the" . . . still love your style.

Alex's Poetry After Noon said...

I'm enjoying rambles with you, or is that me?

Rachel Fox said...

Janie - we can nowhere together!

And Alex's... are you new here or someone I already know under another name?

x

Propellerhead said...

This makes me think of Bob Dylan.

Kat Mortensen said...

I like the "hey me-you - where are you going, friend?" and the "shrugged", but that's not to say I don't like the rest of it as well.

Interesting title too.

Kat

Rachel Fox said...

Maybe you just think about Bob all the time, PH...

Cheers Kat.

x

The Solitary Walker said...

Liked this, Rachel! Made me think of Dylan too. Which won't surprise you.

Rachel Fox said...

Maybe I should come up with some more verses...
x

Totalfeckineejit said...

I'd love to meet myself. I'd give me such a beating.
Nice idea for a poem, intriguing, I likes it!

Rachel Fox said...

I had various things in my head today - Robert Frost (always Frost when there's snow around...), Hugh McMillan's poem about feet (see here), Titus' Bus prompt (here)... and much more besides...
x

Rachel Fox said...

Oh and of course we're watching 'Six Feet Under' which is just full of ghosts and fantasy sequences!
x

Titus said...

Ooh, I liked that. My second favourite nursery rhyme is Mearns' 'Antigonish':

Yesterday upon the stair
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away
When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door
Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away

of which it obviously reminded me.
(Most favourite 'Hark, Hark, the dogs do bark' etc.)

The rhyming in yours is par excellence: it's obviously there, but not there, maybe because of the long-ish lines.

Rachel Fox said...

I think maybe I had that rhyme in my head too - somewhere.
Also having not rhymed on the pub Bus recently I suppose I felt I had to make up for that! I'm so awkward... never do the right thing at the right time!
x

Liz said...

A keeper, Rachel. I love that expression we use about 'meeting oneself coming'...and the significance of possibly going round in circles and all that that implies. Also like 'It was quick with a cheery chirped riposte' ...made me think nimble footed and without a bother. Hey, thanks for getting me thinking in poetry talk, it's been an age. ; )

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, I think the circles thing came partly via the Titus video prompt. That and literally meeting my own footprints from a day or so before.

Always nice to have you call by, Liz.
x

Rachel Fox said...

And routine... it came from my routine which is fairly tight and regular at the moment. Not for long though...
x

Dominic Rivron said...

Trouble is, when this happens to me I'm never sure if I'm me or the me that I meet. :)

Rachel Fox said...

Different shades of the same colour...
x

Stafford Ray said...

Yllis os si sith! This is so silly! Ti evol I!

Marion McCready said...

I love the first two lines, an Emily Dickinson feel about it.

Rachel Fox said...

High praise all round. thanks
x

Roxana said...

this is in fact one of the best poems i read last year, one of those which have left a very intense, long lasting impression. i am also tempted to play with video along its lines, we'll see if i manage what i have on mind...

Rachel Fox said...

So glad you like it, Roxana. I am fond of it too.
It would be great if you did something with it. If you need me to record an audio version just let me know (although I'd quite like to hear it from someone else's voice too).
x