Saturday, 13 March 2010

Two for one - Poetry Bus special offer

Well, when I first saw TFE's task for this week I thought 'no way'. Using two lines already written, mentioning a fashion designer (fashion...god, I am so far from have no idea!). And then...and then...

These are the starting lines we were given:

'She was wearing Stella McCartney
I was drinking Stella Artois'

And I guess it came to 'yes, way' in the end as the poem they brought me to is below. You could call it 'doggerel'...but I might just call it 'another poem'. (I did have a longer paragraph here but I changed my mind about it and deleted).

Not a star in the sky

She was wearing Stella McCartney
I was drinking Stella Artois
There was something special about her
Not the usual down at our bar

Expensive and perfectly pretty
And not watching the keys to her car
So I took them and childishly hid them
Without them she'd not get very far

I could keep her stashed here in our lock-in
Woo her sweet with a heavenly jar
She might stoop, take me shopping for outfits
It's too long now I've been insular

Then I look at my glass - also pretty
It's half empty but pints often are
And I know I've the money for one more
But not two – this is no Shangri-La

So I'll miss her, the muse in McCartney
Never get to her secrets or bra
But I'll cuddle my liquid for comfort
It's my sparkling, my easy, heart's star

RF 2010

And on a slightly similar note I thought I'd add another poem I wrote this week. I didn't get round to a new train poem last week (when the rest of the Poetry Bus team did) but on the Wednesday after something did finally come to me (partly thanks to reading all the other fascinating, varied poems on the subject – links to them all here). Here's mine:

Just another brief encounter

I used to fall in love all the time
Several flights a week at the peak of the madness

Take this one long train trip years ago
I was heading due south (Paris to Madrid)

There was this young checked-shirt, all-American guy
(Blue-jeans, guide-book, back-pack, deck-shoes)

We talked in the sunshine of the vacant corridor
Just we two, just chatting, standing outside of everything

And I don't remember his name, a single word that was said
Or if there was a kiss or any embrace involved

But I remember that I loved him, that much for sure
For an hour, with a passion, like a woman possessed

RF 2010

And the photo at the top? Mark took it in a hotel in Amsterdam (he was there last month for a friend's birthday jaunt). Fancy, huh?



Dr. Jeanne Iris said...

Two wonderful poems of intrigue here. Interesting twist with TFE's starter. Yeah, those All-American cowboys'll getcha every time. I'll bet his name was Bo. ; )

Totalfeckineejit said...

I like this Bloggerel.Great fun,Heavenly jar and in-su-lar could be the rhyme of the century!
Like the last stanza best.

I enjoyed the second one too, thought the opening couple of lines were deadly!

Rachel Fenton said...

The second one's my fave - probably cos I don't drink and I'm not very stellar!

Agree with TFE and I love the last four lines!

Peter Goulding said...

Hi Rachel.Must be an accent thing or else I was crap at French but I was worried about rhyming Artois (Artwa? Artwar?) with bar, far etc. But I see it works great in your poem!
(I'd probably go for the drink every time. Far less hassle!)
The last 2 lines are a killer in the train poem. Wonderful

Rachel Fox said...

Jeanne - I have the horrible feeling his name was Brad...

TFE - bloggerel is much friendlier than doggerel somehow - I like it. And yes, I was chuffed with 'insular' (though you have to cheat a bit when you read it to make it work). Luckily I can live with that.

Rachel - you're back! I look at your flowers every day.

Peter - I suppose I was relying on the very long English pronunciation of Artois (Artwaaaar really in parts of Eng-er-land). I haven't drunk the stuff for years...though I used to get in bother with it when it was on Monday night special offer in a pub in Leeds (back in my mid 20s). And rhymed 'bra' too didn't couldn't you have had 'bar' etc. too?


Dave King said...

Delightful all the way, verses and photograph.

hope said...

I love the key stealing moment. :)

Ken Armstrong said...

Great work and a great set of first lines from TFE. I'm almost tempted myself.

I really like your second poem. Not that such a thing ever happened to me... ;)

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks Dave - good to see you.

Hope - I think this first poem could really change depending on the voice/tone it's read in. It could be funny...or it could be horrible! And the speaker could be male or female of course.

And Ken...when I was younger I was just in love with love, I think. It did mean I got to a good one in the end though!


Argent said...

I enjoyed both of these. Struggled a bit with the prompt myself this week but went also for bloggerel. Your second has such a great feel to it - I can really see Brad in the sunshine of the train's corridor. Super stuff!

Bill said...

What a great pair of poems!

Re the first: the last stanza was my least favourite. I think I simply wanted the poem to repeat the first stanza, but then I like deadpan endings.

I loved

"Then I look at my glass - also pretty
It's half empty but pints often are"

and also the idea that she might take his dress-sense in hand!

Niamh B said...

Great photo - and like the fun at the start of the first one - hiding the keys, also enjoyed the "in love with love" one - there's alot worse things you could fall for!

Rachel Fox said...

Argent - yes, it was a tough prompt in some ways...much less free as a task than some we've done.

Thanks Bill. I'm much better when someone else takes my dress sense in hand!

Niamh...yes, it's fun but with potential for something very unfun though, isn't it? As for the other things... I fell for most of them too at some time or other.


Marion McCready said...

I love the pic, I want to go there! Both fun poems, lots of lines I really like in the first one, parts of it would make excellent song lyrics I thought!

Eryl said...

I could keep her stashed here in out lock-in, yikes, this could definitely be read darkly!

Love the idea of being in love for 'an hour'.

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, it is a poem of two halves (the Stella one) says Sorlil and yikes says Eryl...and the more I read it the creepier I find it. Partly this is because I have known quite a few people who have chosen alcohol over their families/women/partners (and indeed over everything else in their lives) and it's rarely much fun in reality (for them or anyone else). And now I can't decide whether to try it at the folk club on Tues or not. What do you think? If everyone laughs when I read it... will I be pleased or worried about their values..?

p.s. thinking too much, I fear.


swiss said...

the first was fine, esp the wincworthy insul-ar! but i did really like the last line. second was my favourite tho

Rachel Fox said...

Oh, you're such a proper poet.

Titus said...

I'm with Eryl - first one distinctly disturbing for me, and I really like the way the gender of the "I" was unspecified. And the last line is fantastic.

Second my favourite though. But I'm not a proper poet.

Rachel Fox said...

Yes you are.


martine said...

what to say ... just loved them both, particularly the first one. will pop to the bus now and check out the other offerings.
much love

Peter Goulding said...

Hi Rachel, yep, its an accent thing. To me, bra rhymes with aaargghh! when you pull a muscle putting on your sock in the morning, whereas bar, car, far are more West Country ooh-arr rhymes!

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks Martine. Glad you liked them.

One argument for recording them and posting audio I suppose, Peter.


The Solitary Walker said...

Well, if you want my honest opinion, I thought the 1st one was a bit 'forced' - but I really liked the 2nd one!

Rachel Fox said...

'Forced' would match the subject matter so I don't mind on this occasion. Plus it was following the rules (some people have played with the lines a lot more...had more fun). It's not an opening pair I would ever have come up with so it was forced from the beginning, I suppose. I doubt I'll ever do anything with this's kind of taken on a life/personality of its own in my head and it's not one I like at all!

I don't think I've missed one Poetry Bus task and so now I am trapped into a 'don't really want to miss one' thing it seems. Stupid really...maybe it makes me feel like I have some discipline (and I don't). Or maybe I do have that addictive personality I don't believe in after all...


NanU said...

so terribly true that pints are often half empty!
I love the transient passion on the train to Madrid. Dangerous thing, train travel...

The Solitary Walker said...

I haven't been involved in this Poetry Bus thing, but I did think I might have a go this time - inspired by the Stella lines, which appealed to my base bloggerel instincts. But could I get anywhere? No, I couldn't! So I'm in utmost admiration for anyone who can do anything like this at a moment's notice!

Best I came up with late last night was:

She was wearing Stella McCartney
I was drinking Stella Artois
She was out of my class
With that designer-clad ass
She spoke posh, I spoke only patois.

Oh dear. Couldn't get much further than that. A very brief encounter, indeed!

Rachel Fox said...

I don't think I let him know, NanU. I could be cool...sometimes...for very brief periods.

SW - when I started working on the Stella task Mark was watching TV in the background ('Big Bang Theory' - very funny) and it was really hard to concentrate and get it going. I finished it off the next day (in silence) and it came much more easily! I really didn't intend to even try it...but then I did.


Rachel Fox said...

And I'm sure TFE would like to add you to the merry band, SW, if you want him to.

The Solitary Walker said...

Ahem... Mistress of inuendo... without even trying..?

Rachel Fox said...

Which innuendo? Did I miss one?

The Solitary Walker said...

Not sure - but I missed one, obviously. The extra 'n' in 'innuendo'. (Can I plead Spanish spelling?)

Rachel Fox said...

I think we're getting a bit satellite delayed now!

The Solitary Walker said...

? ok, let's stop dishing it out, got to go and make a meal...

Kat Mortensen said...

"Never get to her secrets or bra". There's a duplicity to that line.

Rachel Fox said...

I ummed and ahhed a bit with that 'bra'. It was in, it was out, it was in, it was out again...


Karen said...

Sometimes bloggerel is quite alright! I'm still cracking myself up over this one, mostly because I didn't think I could do it and then because I settled for bloggerel and had great fun in the process! I prefer to read your poem without the seriousness and angst!

Love the train ride. I took the Paris to Madrid myself, once. Unfortunately, I was chaperoning a student group, so I found myself riding herd on some would-be American cowboys. Not so much fun as your hour-long love.

Karen said...

Oh, and I turned Ar-twa into Arty just for fun - sounds like a party to me!

Rachel Fox said...

I think I'd be a terrible chaperone! Thanks for reading.


Philip Dodd said...

really liked the second one a lot. I know exactly what you mean.

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks Philip. It's been a while since I've been that girl but it was fun to remember it.
I love your blog's name by the way!