Monday, 7 September 2009

Monday poem (community project...)

I tell you - this is not for the faint-hearted! Last week TFE gave us the five minute poem challenge and now this week the new Monday poem project ('to sit in a cafe and write a poem/prose piece about someone else in the cafe'). When I read the assignment I started writing something and then left it lying about upstairs for a few days. Then today I thought 'eek! Finish that poem!' And so I have...much very quick fiddling has gone on...and here it is.

One of three

There are three at the table
But the smallest and youngest
And most obviously female
Sits apart, just so slightly
Off to one side, quite elsewhere

Her thoughts play out loose and long
Her eyes a picture painted
With lights lost at ends of days
Her feet swinging so gently
To a beat no-one else knows

She reads with twitches and turns
Processes data deftly
Saves, saves, throws away rarely
Meanwhile her hair sits pretty
Doing nothing, making smiles

With more space she would scribble
Write names, numbers, meanings
Work out links and miracles
Now she looks for the others
They are there, yes, always there

RF 2009



hope said...

I love, "Her feet swinging so gently
To a beat no-one else knows".

Seems these little challenges thrown at us are sharpening everyone's writing skills. It's fun to see the world through someone else's eyes. Thanks!

Totalfeckineejit said...

Lovely Rachel, beautifully observed.
'Her eyes a picture painted
With lights lost at ends of days' is a great line.
Her day will come! Thanks a million for joining in. The poems are all so different ,it's great.

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, Hope, it made me work a bit harder today. Made a change from sending out press releases too!

Thanks TFE. That is probably my favourite bit too. I'll be a poet yet.


Marion McCready said...

Ahh so not written in five minutes - thanks goodness for that, lol!

My favorite part:
"Meanwhile her hair sits pretty
Doing nothing, making smiles"

The Weaver of Grass said...

I get the picture very clearly Rachel.

Rachel Fox said...

No, no, the 5 minute job was last week, Sorlil, though one or two seemed to have carried that bit over to this week too. I maybe cheated with this one a bit...or at least I took it at its word. I'm being a bit cryptic...sorry about that...trying not to give away too much!

Thanks Weaver. I'm not the best at painting pictures. But I'm working on it.


apprentice said...

I'm with Hope I love the feet swinging line too.

Rachel Fox said...

I was just reading your dancing poem this afternoon, A. Much moving of feet there too.


Titus said...

Impressed with this. The first three lines of the second stanza are very good indeed. Best is the overall "feel" though. God, I'd never make a critic!
Really interested in your "painting a picture" comment, as obvious echoes with me - and that's why the challenge was so good. I did something new.

Rachel Fox said...

Who wants to be poetry critic (not I..said the fox...and the dog...)? Hell, I don't even like using the word 'stanza'! I'm a verse woman myself.

Rachel Fox said...

No proofreader either. Missed an 'a'. Hate that.

Titus said...

I'm sure I used to be able to do it, hence the Eng. Lit. usage!

Didn't notice till you just said.

Padhraig Nolan said...

Lovely Rachel - really nice pacing and tone; intimate and original. That's talent!

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks, she said, a bit awkwardly. It is intimate for a reason I suppose. He never said in the brief that it had to be a stranger now did he?
But thanks anyway. Much appreciated.

Dominic Rivron said...

Instantly one of my favourite RF poems!

Rachel Fox said...

And there's me thinking this was one of those 'nothing special' days.

Eryl said...

'Her eyes a picture painted' is gorgeous.

Andrea said...

That's a very cool poem - and the five minute challenge sounds a great idea. Sometimes good ideas happen quickly.

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks. And more thanks.
Been having the usual 'god I'm rubbish' cyclical wave of late so this is all very welcome.

Tiresome needy writer alert.

Batteson.Ind said...

Lovely little thing!.. I could see her perfectly and imagine her whole life ahead of her.. :-)
Also love the "lights lost at ends of days"..line.. cheers!

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks guys. Make a song of it if you like!

Jim Murdoch said...


One question, an afterthought, the title, is that a subtle (or maybe not so subtle) Borg reference?

Rachel Fox said...

Hey, an excellent from you, Jim! I'm going to enter this one in a competition or something! Yes, I's been published...

As for the Borg...Mark was watching an old Voyager episode the other day so maybe it seeped in. That's the only Star Trek series I've ever watched. I liked Janeway (and thought for half the series that her name was, of course, Jane Way).

Anyway...back to that excellent...


Rachel Fox said...

You weren't talking about Bjorn Borg were you, Jim?

Jim Murdoch said...

No, not the tennis player. Actually, Voyager usually gets a hard time from fans but I liked it and its stands up to multiple viewings especially once they brought in Seven of Nine - watching her and the doctor struggle with humanity made the show.

Jim Murdoch said...

Oh, and on the subject of 'excellents' - no, I don't dole them out willy-nilly so you know when I say it I mean it.

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, I was a 7 of 9 fan too.

Roxana said...

i adore the part Sorlil mentioned as well - it will stay with me.

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks Roxana. Big big thanks.