I was thinking about this poem today...it's a little one that I've never done much with. As I mentioned yesterday widowhood has been a bit of a theme in some of my family (my maternal Grandmother was widowed four times, my Mum twice...now you know one reason why I've never married!). This poem is about someone specific but I can't go into any more detail than that, I'm afraid. Here it is:
Poem removed for improvement
RF 2005
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Alchemy by Rae Spencer
6 hours ago
20 comments:
really like this, spesh the last line which is a stunner. Only wee incongruous bit- to me- was 'their hearts pound' which seems out of step with 'their eyes mist and feet miss'.
Good pome, Rach.
I think the 'hearts pound' was just about how much emotion is still there for the dead and gone (sometimes a very long time after) plus the contrast with those whose hearts no longer pound (ie the dead husbands). But I wrote this quite a while back now.
Glad you like.
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Yes, I liked it too, especially those final two lines.
Strange congruences, was thinking about Valentine's Day and just how long my own mother has been a widow and writing about it.
Aye, there's nothing like death for drama in a poem!
I've been working on my Valentine's poem for TFE's Poetry Bus. It's fair giving me the creeps (could have said willies...didn't).
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That's brutal, but very true. Some are half-buried in their youth.
Your economy of words encompasses a volume of emotion.
Perfect final line. This is my favorite style to write in. I love this one. Simple is best.
keep this one!
fond of your work,
Dianne
Kat, Dianne - thanks for those positive comments. As I say it's an oldish poem that hasn't lived much as yet (suitably enough). Maybe its time has come...
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And the deletion..? Nothing ominous...just an unbearable apostrophe abomination on my part.
Followed by another mistake. I think I have typoitis today.
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Well you didn't have typoitus when you wrote up the poem, so that's the main thing. It's a nice one alright, I like the hearts pounding, despite grey photos, nice.
Cheers Niamh. It makes me think of the pound of flesh too.
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I really like this - have a similarish poem myself - not about widows though...more with the grey photographymabobyness...what about 'hearts missed but still beating..' or similar - basically 'missed' rather than pound? Just thinking of what Shug said. But actually it works grand as is. Very moving.
Loving your book by the way - thank you so much for sending it - also,I've been passing along postcards left right and center - nowt like a bit of advertising ;)
Good, succinct, punchy, with an aftertaste.A fine wine of a pome!
You captured a sad truth very succinctly. Well done!
Incredibly moving, insightful and sensitive. I know a few war widows and you have caught their experiences. So good.
Thanks all. All your good words are much appreciated.
And 'pound'...it's my favourite bit now! Plus...without it the 'underground' doesn't have half as much wallop. I'm all for a bit of wallop in a poem now and again...in fact I wrote a poem about that just the other week. But that's for another time.
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And I feel I should point out that this poem both is and isn't about war widows. Or maybe I should say that 'war' here is both a loose and a precise word.
These little poems can be just so packed full!
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I like it. It sounds to me like there could be more, that this is a first stanza of something longer.
But, as we have long established, what the hell do I know?? :)
You trying to make work for me Armstrong?
Glad to see you've detwitted - for a little while anyway!
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