I tell you - this is not for the faint-hearted! Last week TFE gave us the five minute poem challenge and now this week the new Monday poem project ('to sit in a cafe and write a poem/prose piece about someone else in the cafe'). When I read the assignment I started writing something and then left it lying about upstairs for a few days. Then today I thought 'eek! Finish that poem!' And so I have...much very quick fiddling has gone on...and here it is.
One of three
There are three at the table
But the smallest and youngest
And most obviously female
Sits apart, just so slightly
Off to one side, quite elsewhere
Her thoughts play out loose and long
Her eyes a picture painted
With lights lost at ends of days
Her feet swinging so gently
To a beat no-one else knows
She reads with twitches and turns
Processes data deftly
Saves, saves, throws away rarely
Meanwhile her hair sits pretty
Doing nothing, making smiles
With more space she would scribble
Write names, numbers, meanings
Work out links and miracles
Now she looks for the others
They are there, yes, always there
RF 2009
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29 comments:
I love, "Her feet swinging so gently
To a beat no-one else knows".
Seems these little challenges thrown at us are sharpening everyone's writing skills. It's fun to see the world through someone else's eyes. Thanks!
Lovely Rachel, beautifully observed.
'Her eyes a picture painted
With lights lost at ends of days' is a great line.
Her day will come! Thanks a million for joining in. The poems are all so different ,it's great.
Yes, Hope, it made me work a bit harder today. Made a change from sending out press releases too!
Thanks TFE. That is probably my favourite bit too. I'll be a poet yet.
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Ahh so not written in five minutes - thanks goodness for that, lol!
My favorite part:
"Meanwhile her hair sits pretty
Doing nothing, making smiles"
I get the picture very clearly Rachel.
No, no, the 5 minute job was last week, Sorlil, though one or two seemed to have carried that bit over to this week too. I maybe cheated with this one a bit...or at least I took it at its word. I'm being a bit cryptic...sorry about that...trying not to give away too much!
Thanks Weaver. I'm not the best at painting pictures. But I'm working on it.
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I'm with Hope I love the feet swinging line too.
I was just reading your dancing poem this afternoon, A. Much moving of feet there too.
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Impressed with this. The first three lines of the second stanza are very good indeed. Best is the overall "feel" though. God, I'd never make a critic!
Really interested in your "painting a picture" comment, as obvious echoes with me - and that's why the challenge was so good. I did something new.
Who wants to be poetry critic (not I..said the fox...and the dog...)? Hell, I don't even like using the word 'stanza'! I'm a verse woman myself.
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No proofreader either. Missed an 'a'. Hate that.
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I'm sure I used to be able to do it, hence the Eng. Lit. usage!
Didn't notice till you just said.
Lovely Rachel - really nice pacing and tone; intimate and original. That's talent!
Thanks, she said, a bit awkwardly. It is intimate for a reason I suppose. He never said in the brief that it had to be a stranger now did he?
But thanks anyway. Much appreciated.
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Instantly one of my favourite RF poems!
And there's me thinking this was one of those 'nothing special' days.
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'Her eyes a picture painted' is gorgeous.
That's a very cool poem - and the five minute challenge sounds a great idea. Sometimes good ideas happen quickly.
Thanks. And more thanks.
Been having the usual 'god I'm rubbish' cyclical wave of late so this is all very welcome.
Tiresome needy writer alert.
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Lovely little thing!.. I could see her perfectly and imagine her whole life ahead of her.. :-)
Also love the "lights lost at ends of days"..line.. cheers!
Thanks guys. Make a song of it if you like!
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Excellent.
One question, an afterthought, the title, is that a subtle (or maybe not so subtle) Borg reference?
Hey, an excellent from you, Jim! I'm going to enter this one in a competition or something! Yes, I know...it's been published...
As for the Borg...Mark was watching an old Voyager episode the other day so maybe it seeped in. That's the only Star Trek series I've ever watched. I liked Janeway (and thought for half the series that her name was, of course, Jane Way).
Anyway...back to that excellent...
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You weren't talking about Bjorn Borg were you, Jim?
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No, not the tennis player. Actually, Voyager usually gets a hard time from fans but I liked it and its stands up to multiple viewings especially once they brought in Seven of Nine - watching her and the doctor struggle with humanity made the show.
Oh, and on the subject of 'excellents' - no, I don't dole them out willy-nilly so you know when I say it I mean it.
Yes, I was a 7 of 9 fan too.
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i adore the part Sorlil mentioned as well - it will stay with me.
Thanks Roxana. Big big thanks.
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