Friday, 13 August 2010

A boat and a bus

Sorry to be so early but I'm posting this tonight because I'll be busy most of the weekend and won't get a chance till much later on.

This week's Poetry Bus (after a false start from me earlier in the week) is being driven by Chris at Enchanted Oak over in the USA. Her prompt can be seen here and the poem links are going up here. We had to choose one of two photos to write about and I chose this one - Eugène Atget - Etang de Corot, Ville-d'Avray, 1900-1910 :




And my poem goes like this...(watch out, it's a rhymer!)...


Unseen dream

The scene is so calm
See the boat, water still
Not a soul is in sight
Light is pale, all idyll

But what we don't see
Is the man from the boat
A sadness so huge
A failure to float

He sat and he thought
And he tried to see ways
But the weight of his woes
Made the deepest mind haze

So he shook himself out
And he threw himself in
Nothing selfish to see
No huge drama or din

And he lies underneath
And the scene's back to still
And we never see all
Never have, never will


RF 2010

I'd never heard of the photographer Eugène Atget (can't say I've heard of more than a handful of photographers really) – enjoyed reading about him over at the wikipedia place though.

p.s. That children's story character prompt will be the last Poetry Bus in September by the way. More on that nearer the time...


x

32 comments:

Helen said...

Your 'rhymer' is a keeper!

Marion McCready said...

I like it, nice ending!

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks Helen.

A watery one, Marion... just for you!

x

Rachel Fenton said...

I love that you showed the unseen. My fave kind of writing.

Also, I didn't notice the rhyme - great!

Enchanted Oak said...

It was breathtaking. My heart hasn't recovered yet.

Dominic Rivron said...

Prompted me to a cheerful little rhyming number, too. I like the end - the thought provoking suggestion that a picture is never the whole story.

Rachel Fox said...

Well, yes...after several months of writing about mother I guess I'm back to the other one... kind of. Though of course it is about other things and other people too. And the photo.
x

Dominic Rivron said...

Cor! That was quick! (And you visited mine). Another early Saturday morning blogger no doubt. A good time - usually there's no-one else up and about.

Rachel Fox said...

Off out soon, tidying up before I go!
x

Elisabeth said...

I read Dominic's post earlier. There must be something about this empty resting boat that attracts rhyme. Wonderful, Rachel.

hope said...

I like the rhymers. :)

Loved those last 2 lines: kinda sum up life.

I keep thinking about you and hope your doing well.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Sad but lovely poem Rachel.

I had already done your prompt and was about to post it when Dominic told me it had changed, so I posted it anyway - a couple of days early. I shall now have to write another one for next time!
Have a nice weekend.

The Bug said...

I like how it seems so light-hearted, & yet it totally isn't. A bit of a punch in the gut. Well done!

Karen said...

I love your missing passenger - a sort of before and after. Very nice!

Rachel Fox said...

Elisabeth - hello again! I had thought more people were going for the hands photo option (one reason I picked this!) but it seems not...lots of us are in the boat.

Hope - we're good. Readjusting to the new life that's all.

Weaver - yes, I added confusion this week...unintentionally!

Bug - is anything ever really just light-hearted? I'm not sure...

Karen - that missing passenger is with me always.

x

Dave King said...

Bleak, but it wowed me.

jinksy said...

Poor drowned soul! May he rest in peace! :) Clever take on the picture...

Rachel Fox said...

Dave - I'm about 50% bleak and 50% giddily happy... not much in between. It can be confusing.

Jinksy - it's funny... though I'm not really one for beliefs as such I think I believe that we ALL rest in peace when we go (whether we deserve it or not). At least I believe that today...

x

Emerging Writer said...

Liked this a lot. It bites.

Rachel Fox said...

I have a fair amount of anger in me about how people talk about suicide sometimes. I guess it shows now and then.

It's a personal subject for me and it can't help but be that way. I've talked about it off and on (here for example).
x

Martin H. said...

You really nailed it with those last two lines,
"..And we never see all
Never have, never will."

Rachel Fox said...

I was pleased with them... they seemed just right. No planning, out they popped!
x

Titus said...

You are such a word-tease! I read it, and the rhythm and rhyme make me smile, laugh, and the subject's black, but still I smile in enjoyment and then you knock out me out with a final two lines.
Grrr! But good one.

Niamh B said...

Agree with Titus - those last two lines sum it all up nicely.
A sad but beautiful one.

Erratic Thoughts said...

There is a certain calmness about the poem. I liked the ending, as the rest did.It holds a piece of fact written beautifully...
Liked it :)

Ohh and I have been a fan of Eugène Atget's photography from the last 60 secs..I wikied him too :D..Thanks for that small GK!:)

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks folks. Glad you enjoyed it in one way or another.
x

martine said...

Quiet and poignant, and I liked the rhyming, it kept it a it lighter and stopped it being mawkish.
thanks for sharing
martine

Kat Mortensen said...

Liked this very much! The last verse is really good, especially - very thought-provoking.

Yvonne Osborne said...

I like your rhymer. And the last four lines are super. They leave you with the feeling a poem should leave you with.

the watercats said...

It's always hugely suggestive to see empty things in pictures isn't it. I seem to remember a photographer of war talking about things and he said most of the time, it's a much more powerful statement to photograph the fall out, personal remains as opposed to dead bodies... anyway, i'm waffling... Loved the rhymyness of this poem, i'm a sucker for rhymes, and love the idea too :-)

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks all. Good words always appreciated here!
x

Totalfeckineejit said...

Photos like poems are often made by the bits left out.Here we see an awful lot more than the picture tells.
Sad, of course, but I love the lne.....'So he shook himself out
And he threw himself in'

We may come from different places, maybe (though I'm not convinced) heading seperate ways, but we're definitely all in the same boat.