I usually put as much time and thought as I can into my Poetry Bus poems but this week (what with the funeral and all) I literally wrote a stream of consciousness piece (bleurgh...out it came). Our prompt, suggested by this week's driver Terresa, was this image:
And here is my offering:
So
So you know, I was talking to this guy and he was
trying to tell me I was beautiful and I thought 'jeez,
this guy is a jerk and how stupid does he think I am?'
and then a bus came by and I thought I might go some place
so I stuck out my arm and I stopped that bus and it was friendly
and I stared from its windows at the big wide world
and I wondered what there was for me to do out there
I mean, no-one has a map for life, right, what you gonna do about that
and well, I hurt in a hundred different ways but
I knew that wasn't really important so I got back off the bus,
found somewhere to go for a soda and then just when I least expected it
POW, my head blew clean off
RF 2010
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27 comments:
So THAT'S what happens when we girls think too much? :0
Considering what you've been through this week, I'm surprised you had the strength left to climb on the bus. Nicely done...and yes, you caught me by surprise. Sometimes I like surprise endings. :)
Thanks Hope. You know, it's been OK. Watching Mum when she was ill was really hard (trying to make things better...not always managing it) but the end and the funeral and everything was really OK. It was sad of course but I knew it was going to come some time...and I know it could have been a lot worse in many, many ways. And I was lucky to have her for 43 whole years. Now it's up to me to be strong (and who knows I might even manage it...).
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Thanks Rachel. It's a sad time.
You head didn't really explode, did it? And isn't it always when you least expect it? I mean, I've been expecting my head to explode for days now and of course, it wasn't my head that exploded, it was my big toe.
My head's exploded a few times...mainly back in the 1990s though.
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I always liked 'The Man whose head expoded' by The Fall.
But this is much better.
I've had days like that!
I thought it was going to ba a poem about Catherine...Catherine Wheel - have you heard of her?
Good to read you: poem, stream of consciousness or plain old ramble x
I've known a few serious Fall fans. Never joined that club myself though I quite like the idea of MES (if not the sound).
Susan, Rachel...marvellous women hello.
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Really enjoyed the short trip in your head and that ker-pow ending! The bus indeed is friendly.
Here's a funny thing - this was so streamy that I didn't even put the bus in the poem together with the poetry bus at all (I just use a lot of public transport!). And is it a trip in my head? In some ways it's someone else entirely...it doesn't have my voice at all...more like someone from a film I've seen or something. A projection...
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Yipes! This is an explosive one. I like it.
Sometimes I just love the stream of consciousness ones!
This is one of those times. Loved this bit
"and then a bus came by and I thought I might go some place
so I stuck out my arm and I stopped that bus and it was friendly"
and the surprise ending is very POW.
Bus and Picture? Don't tell me it wasn't premeditated...
Honest, guv, it was just spontaneous...really! I haven't the brain power for planning just now...got so much to do (just when I don't need school holidays and h is off till weds). Spent yesterday writing 'dear so and so, my Mum is dead' letters. And worse jobs await...
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And if I did have anything in my head it was this poem by Sharon Olds.
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Hi there Rachel, quite a red route bus trip or should be one of those mystery green routes country bus affairs. I love the fact that you point out that no one gets a map to life's journey, so true.
loving this!... excellent! it's like a manga cartoon :-D
Soda pop then!!
Nice one Rachel
HI Rachel. I really like the loose naturalistic tone of this - quite different to some of your previous pieces - this approach might be a thread worth pursuing a bit further? cheers, P.
Thanks all.
Padhraig - I write in so many different ways...never can stick to one thing! But I know what you mean...what's most different about this (I think) is that it is totally NOT me (and I do tend to creep into a lot of my work... even when I don't want to). Maybe that's what becoming an adult orphan is about...maybe.
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Funny stuff, but you kind of feel like it's a good end for her. (The places your mind can take you,eh?)
Who says it's the end...
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Quirky and edgy and I love the conversational style. (I hate it when my head explodes)
I had a vision of "I've had all I can stand & I can't stands no more!" when I read this - drifting along just trying to get along & POW! Love it!
I love the stream of consciousness style. Some days it's all a girl can do to keep her head from exploding.
Rachel, this works beautifully well. Not your usual voice, but that's got nothing to do with it. The voice is strong and vulnerable. Your stream of consciousness writing tapped into a full-blown story that stands on its own two feet. This is one of my favorites of yours. Wounded and weak, but not defeated, even though Pow, her head blows off. I don't hear it as a defeat, but as a beginning...
My condolences on the loss of your mother, and the sad things you must do, like death letters. I send a hug.
hilarious!!
Thanks all.
EO Chris - thanks for this particularly interesting comment...you get a lot right in there...a lot about my life really.
And Jessica - I liked your poem but couldn't see a way to comment. Do you not have comments?
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