Sunday, 11 October 2009

Monday poem - from a distance

I'm not really here...you haven't seen me. I wanted to leave the post below as my 'out for a week' sign but TFE is doing a Monday poem after all and I haven't missed one yet so I thought I'd try to squeeze a quick one in from a distance. TFE put some photos up as a prompt the other day and I (very hurriedly) produced the poem below. It wasn't quite a five minute poem (maybe ten minutes...) but who knows...maybe you'll find something of interest in it anyway. I won't be about for much commenting just now but I'm with you all in spirit if nothing else. And I just remembered...one of the other photos was of balloons and I have a balloon poem that I posted back on 1st January this year (here...that one's on a postcard too). But back to today - I'm sure you'll be able to work out which of his photos I chose for this piece (see all the images here). I didn't really write about his image...more about what it reminded me of.



Patchwork

Everywhere I've gone
I've taken
Pictures on a wall

You, you and you

I see the image of your eyes
Still signs of life
And I'm revived


RF 2009

x

21 comments:

Titus said...

I like.
"Still" vies with "yet" as one of my favourite words, beautifully used here.

Hope you're having a lovely time and it looks like the weather gods are being very kind.

Titus said...

I also love the way the balloon man photo is haunting your "blogs I love most" list. And look. Shug's in!

Rachel Fox said...

He's high on life.

Can't hang about...must go and do holiday stuff.

x

Niamh B said...

A lovely one, as usual. Enjoy the hols

The Weaver of Grass said...

Good stuff for ten minutes methinks. Look forward to seeing you.

Rachel Fox said...

We came down the A1 near you yesterday Weaver. It's like a roadworks fiesta down there! Looking forward to meeting you too.
At in/out-laws just now. Mark fixing computers (as ever). Girl playing pontoon with Grandad.
x

Rachel Fox said...

Oh and thanks Niamh.
x

Wigeon said...

Now that's ten minutes well spent! I like those half rhyme sounds with the i's that you've got in such a short piece.
I'm impressed that you can hop on the bus whilst you're away on hols. That is clever. Have a good time.

Jeanne Iris said...

A quick, lovely patchwork! Slan abhaile!

Sandra Leigh said...

Your aim is true, Rachel. We find comfort where we can, even the cold comfort of photos from the past.

Totalfeckineejit said...

I like this Rachel.I like the lack of punctuation,I think it benefits from being done quickly,it's all there yet (for me) has this enigmatic quality that really works.Particularly that line 'still signs of life'
Could be there are still signs of life or just 'still life' like in a painting.Well done et Merci bien!

swiss said...

i thought you were supposed to be on holiday! this is rather lovely.

Dominic Rivron said...

I like it when the relationship between the title and the poem is part of the poem (in this case, the parallels between patchwork, its nature and associations, and collections of important photos).

See you next Monday!

sunnydunny said...

Nice one Rachel.

Poetikat said...

Suggesting that each moving on drains that little bit of life and the images "revive" the spirit. Short and sweet.

Rachel Fox said...

Thanks all of you. I've always been one for having at least part of one wall of a house covered in photos of friends and other loved ones - just the sight of it makes me smile and reminds me of good things when my brain wants to go elsewhere. So when I saw TFE's version of patchwork photos that's what it made me think of.

As for punctuation...mentioned in TFE's comment here. I have always used very, very minimal punctuation in poems...for me it just works that way. I use the line break for lots of things and i put in the odd question mark and the occasional comma but that's about it. I know this isn't everyone's way and I know that, for example, it will definitely work against me when it comes to formal competitions and the like but I have tried the other ways and they just feel wrong to me. It feels like someone else is writing and I just hate that. I think we need to have our own styles and habits or we're nothing as writers...in a way.

And now back to the holiday. These are always odd holidays because they are largely visits to family and friends....catching up with all the folk we used to see all the time but now only see once or twice a year. It's a bit intense (and very tiring!). Today we have a day off though. And the sun is shining. Hallelujah.

x

Red Bird said...

I think it was the last line that cinched it for me... well done, Rachel-have a good holiday!
:)

Emerging Writer said...

Lives ...revives. Nice juxtaposition. Did you try reading it outloud for rhythm?

Sorlil said...

Very nice, Rachel, I like it!

Argent said...

This is a little gem. I actually prefer short pieces in some ways, they seem to pack more of a punch. I'm of the minimal punctuation persuasion too and a line on its own can do wonders.

Rachel Fox said...

A long day sightseeing in York today (with dog - makes it complicated). Very sleepy now.
But to respond to some of the above...I pretty much always read poems aloud as I'm writing them EW. It's so much about sound and rhythm for me. More about the song and all that.
The return of Sorlil! Hurrah!
hello to everyone else.
x