Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Light relief

Thanks for all your poetry offerings in the last post. Lots to be getting on with, lots to think about, lots of interesting comments. I started right away with Patrick Kavanagh as there were votes for him from Shug and Barbara and I'd never really taken him out for any kind of serious test drive. I'm really enjoying what I've read so far – thanks for that, clever readers.

I do like to have moments where this is something like a literary blog but I'm all for light relief too now and again. So... here's a thing I read over at Poetikat's the other week – '10 things you'll never hear me say'. Her list really made me smile so I thought I'd have a go myself. I am going to add a 'probably' to the title because life is all surprises and...you never know...maybe I will be a Republican Party candidate by Xmas.

TEN THINGS YOU WILL (PROBABLY) NEVER HEAR ME SAY (OR READ ME WRITE)

1.Please find enclosed an invitation to our wedding.
2.Oh goody, my BNP* membership card has arrived.
3.Yes, I'm having my nails done at 3 and my legs waxed at 4.
4.Doesn't Posh Spice** look lovely in that dress? I must get one.
5.Would you like a copy of 'The Watchtower'?
6.Oh look, I've won the National Poetry Competition.
7.I'm working hard on the beam but I think my best chance for gold is the floor routine.
8.Chairing Parent Council Meetings is my idea of heaven.
9.No, no more cake for me, thanks.
10.Driving HGVs long distance – my dream job, I'll start on Monday.



*British National Party – delightful group of individuals of the far right variety.
**Or any other daft woman in the public eye and, my god, are they thick on the ground.

11 comments:

Poetikat said...

I love it! I'm always torn with the Watchtower people - I'm either hiding behind the door waiting for them to stop knocking/ringing etc. or I'm tempted to challenge them with my own beliefs. Hiding always wins out though, because basically, I'm an introvert and it's so much easier just to stick in earplugs or run the vacuum-cleaner.

Are you sure you'll never get on that beam? You should check out my "Class Action" poem about gym class horrors.

Kat

Your blog is the great diversion I need right now.

Rachel Fox said...

Hey Kat.
Your list did make me laugh - especially the WWF tickets (and I presume this refers to wrestling not wildlife...although the wrestling's pretty wild too...).

I struggled with forward rolls on the floor so the beam and I never made friends.

I give the Witnesses a big crazy smile and say 'we don't do religion in this house but it's lovely to see you, have a nice day'. If you keep smiling hard enough it really puts them off.
x

Rachel Fox said...

Plus lots of love to you and yours Kat.
x

Singing Bear said...

Ha! Nice list. :)

Sorlil said...

The JW's have stopped coming to my door...er, I wonder what that says about me!

Rachel Fox said...

Well, considering our discussions re lack of housework...it's probably because your front step is too dirty or something.

Did I clean that bathroom earlier on..? Well, a bit of it...the important bit.

x

Sorlil said...

lol, quite possibly but I think more to do with a mistranlation in their bible version that I tend to point out and which one of their major doctrines depends on (I nearly joined them many moons ago).

well your ahead of me on the bathroom front...ah there's always tomorrow!

hope said...

You mean you have JW on YOUR side of the pond? The world truly is not a safe place. :) I simply let our 2 dogs bark in greeting..they have nice, deep manly barks which usually clear the front porch immediately. I have to ask; do they [JW]come to your door in the most odd pairings? The weirdest one yet was a 65 year old white man and a little black boy all of 8...the boy was wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase.

I love your list...I needed a laugh. Thanks.

Rachel Fox said...

Yes, Hope, they always come in force and yet...in the wildest outfits. Most of the women look ready for some kind of cocktail party (the great cocktail party in the sky?).
I didn't know much about them but in 'White Teeth' Zadie Smith writes about them a good deal and then I had an acquaintance who came from a JW family and she said it was a good upbringing - very supportive and friendly. I'm never mean - always friendly...you should see my smile...it's enormous, very offputting!
x

hope said...

I know deep down they are very nice people and I respect their right to share. I've always been polite but they do have the tenacity of a pit bull when it comes to sharing. I've found the best way to end the conversation is to take their brochure, tell them I work with Sr. citizens and I'll share it. They then leave happily, with a smile.

The newest "trick" here is that JW's now haunt gas stations and grocery store parking lots to ambush you on your way back to your car. [Guess too many of us quit answering the door]. Still, it's easier to politely say "No thanks" and move away quickly if you've got melting ice cream in your hands.

Rachel Fox said...

Wow your JWs are enterprising...and on the move!
x