It doesn't take much

Some of the time I keep up a really good pretence and almost seem to be a person who knows what they are doing and is getting on with their life quite well. Other times the pretence is less successful. I find there are certain triggers which I should avoid because they show up the holes in my cover too well. These triggers are-
1. Coffee - I pretty much always avoid it now after too many problems in the past. Just one sip and the cracks start to show pretty quickly. Twitchy, nervous, desperate, me?
2. Driving - too competitive, too many unknowns, too bloody dangerous. Can't hack it. Have left kitchen, couldn't stand heat.
3. Radiohead - I really like the music but it's too much what my head sounds like when I am worrying, panicking or just generally bemoaning the terrible state of everything. It is too true for its own good. If I were stronger I could listen to it without being terrified of my own crapness but I'm not sure that is an option - well, not today anyhow. Maybe next week.
4. Airports and aeroplanes - even watching people in an airport on TV makes me feel ill. I am going to go and live in the shed out the back I think. It's quiet there. Well, unless the neighbours are in their hot tub listening to 80s soft rock, it is.
Things will be better in a few days...